


bar humbug

by earlofcardigans



Category: Questionable Content
Genre: Gen, coffee of doom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 02:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlofcardigans/pseuds/earlofcardigans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Faye contemplates Christmas. And drinking. And life. And Pizza Girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bar humbug

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sandyk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/gifts).



> This was written as a Treat. I hope you enjoy it!

Faye had thought about Christmas presents. She had a stash of t-shirts for Marten and Dora and a box of sterile masks for Hanners.

Since her and Angus were official coupley bullshit, she figured it was time for shopping for an actual gift, but when she got to the mall and detoured into the AnthroPC store to look at things for Marigold, she realized that she wasn’t buying anything for anyone.

Her continued presence in their lives will have to be enough of a present.

When she got to work, Dora stared her down until she got back from stashing her coat.

“What?” Faye didn’t have time for Dora’s ridiculousness about time and management and wasting and blah blah and life and blah coffee.

Dora didn’t say anything.

Faye said, “I was on the late shift so I could buy presents.”

Dora crossed her arms. “And where are your presents?”

“I didn’t get any.” Faye ignored the customer and made herself a sugary, chocolatey coffee.

“And why not?”

Raven had written the specials on the board today. Her fat, loopy handwriting declaring today ZOMBIE SANTA DAY FREE COFFEE TO THE BEST COSTUME.

Faye figured she’d be the judge, and so far their entire clientele was lacking in zombieness and costumes. And Christmas spirit. Not that she cared much about that. Christmas was Christmas.

“I’m a Scrooge. Well a drunk one. Bar humbug.”

“Cute.” Dora made a face at her and acted like she cared about customers.

“Seriously? You want to do this now, because I can get serious once a holiday. This is it for you. Let’s go, beanpole.” Faye cocked her hip and waited.

“I don’t know if I want to get holiday serious with you, bubblebutt. You’re scary.”

Dora stole Faye’s coffee. She figured she might as well make one for the business guy that had the misfortune of walking in to their shop.

“Christmas doesn’t mean much to me anymore. I see my best friends every day. I, weirdly, have a boyfriend. I can read, I have a job, I have people to boss around. I’m all set. Christmas is one more time of the year where it snows, where I’m expected to spend money I don’t have on people I don’t like, and half the time those fuckers are giving me things they didn’t want in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle of suck. Also, I’ll see my mom when I see her, so. We make our own Christmas. And did I mention I hated people?”

“I think that was implied with the calling them ‘fuckers’ thing.”

“Good to know. If we’re done with this happy jolly time, I’m gonna go in the back and get stuff.”

“Alright. But because I’m touchy-feely and have emotions like a real boy, I’m going to need you to go out with me later. Friends don’t let friends drink alone at Christmas.”

“Dora, you’re so needy. Jesus.”

Faye’s smirk was almost a smile. She turned away from Dora’s smug face.

When she was in the back staring at coffee beans and sheaves of Styrofoam cups, she started thinking about Christmas and plans and life and shit that she never liked to think about outside of her bedroom, so if she ralphed everywhere, she’d at least be somewhere she could shower after.

Faye was going to have Angus over, maybe do some Christmas banging, have coffee with Marty, con Marigold and Hanners into that dancing game on the Wii, and get spectacularly Christmas drunk on eggnog with Tai.

It’s probably going to be great. By her standards. Which. Christmas hadn’t ever been a big deal before. And since it was _after_ , and her sister wasn’t going home, she wasn’t going home.

She had called her mother, and they will make plans. Faye needed to remember to ask off for vacation.

She also had to think about what to do with Angus, but that was a problem for another drink.

After counting bags, filling in the order form for Dora to sign and drawing angry, chomping jaws on several thousand cups, she headed back out to the front to harass Dora until it was time to go drink and make fun of the other drunkies.

Faye decided against calling anyone else because she and Dora had been seriously lacking in girl time since she broke up with Marten.

Before she forgot about it, Faye put a reminder in her phone to call her mother when she wasn’t at work or hung over in the morning.

Then she turned around and wrote I NEED A VACATION DON’T LET ME FORGET TO ASK ABOUT ONE on the blackboard and drew up a plan for a new sculpture in her head.

“So, bosslady. We closing early for this girly drinking shindig?”

Faye had spilled sugar on the counter and was sketching dinosaur-shaped cars. Dora was, of course, doing that pinched-off, pissed face at her. Faye thought it was adorable that Dora still tried.

“I don’t think so. We need money to fund this. And we can’t call it a shindig. You know Pintsize gets sad when he isn’t invited to a shindig.”

“Fuck all what Pintsize thinks. He stole all my underwear and replaced them with thongs with mistletoe attached to the tiny bit of the ass. I hate that hunk of metal.”

Faye viciously swiped the sugar into the trashcan under the counter.

Dora just laughed and laughed.  The traitor.

“Fine. I’m sending him to your house next.” Faye wagged her finger in Dora’s face.

“Marten would never agree to that. Pintsize would go nuts if he were let loose in my house.”

Faye rolled her eyes.

“Know what we haven’t had in a while?”

“I thought that was why we were going out tonight.” Dora scrunched her nose up in confusion.

“Pizza! We can drink any day. Let’s order pizza from Pizza Girl and see what happens.” Faye rummaged around for the phone.

“You can’t torment the poor thing. She’s trying to do her job.” Dora held the phone above her head. “Promise. Or you get nothing. No pizza, no shindigs, no booze.”

Faye pouted.

“I’ll promise no such thing.”

“Then no Pizza Girl.”

“Do not make me order from that guy with the dreads. His eyebrows freak me out.”

“Faye! What does that have to do with your pizza?”

“Give me the phone! I’ll only ask her one question. Promise.”

Dora handed her the phone but snatched it back before Faye grabbed it.

“I get to pick the question.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

Faye figured that with people like Dora keeping her in check, she’d never do that ugly wallowing thing during Christmas again.

Sometimes letting people in seemed like a good decision.


End file.
